Baby Christian

In 2020, God saved my life. I know this sounds dramatic but I’m not joking. 2020 is still the most pivotal year of my life to date, it was when I got to know God for myself and He stopped being this amorphous cloud that loomed over me in church or this obligation I felt to pray. It was when I got to know Him intimately and when He became my Best Friend.

At that time I had committed to reading the Bible in a year, a task that had always seemed extremely daunting. I don’t even remember what sparked my interest to do it in the first place, but I’m so glad I did. Every day I would read a couple of chapters and I went in chronological order, following the guidelines in my devotional. Once I got into the habit, it became a core part of my morning routine. I began to look forward to reading my Bible and picking up where I left off the day before. There were, obviously, stories I had always known at least vaguely, such as Jonah and the whale, David and Goliath, and Queen Esther, but also many, many stories I had no clue about. I found myself relating with people in the Bible like Gideon and seeing that there really is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9). However, what I miss most from that period in time was the wonder I felt and the intense longing to know God that grew in my heart each day.

I recall that time fondly. It was like I couldn’t get enough of God. I was so excited to pray and journal and read my Bible, I would listen to podcast upon podcast daily trying to gain new knowledge and insights into passages I was reading as well as practical advice on how to apply the Word of God to my life. My perspective on seemingly no-brainer activities like schoolwork, interacting with my family, and praying had changed completely. Now, I was striving to be excellent in everything I did as if I was doing it unto God (Colossians 3:23-24), I was trusting God with my future instead of worrying because I knew that He had the perfect plan for every step of my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and, overall, I felt more peaceful and secure simply because I knew that God was ordering my steps (Psalm 37:23-24). I could just take a breath, relax and trust that God would work everything out for my good (Romans 8:28). By the end of the year, I hardly recognised myself. I had become a more compassionate, understanding, hardworking person, among other things, and I was immensely grateful that God had convicted me to take the time every morning to talk to Him. 2020 was such a calm year full of seemingly endless alone time that I could use to do whatever I pleased, I’m so glad I chose to invite God into those quiet moments.

The next year was anything but quiet. I was changing schools and beginning a new chapter of my life, everything seemed to be uprooted and I felt a sense of simultaneous nervous excitement and transcending peace because of what I’d learned the previous year. By then, the LORD had become my Best Friend and Confidante. If ever I required someone to talk to, I could turn to Him and He would consistently give me all the clarity I needed. When the world started coming out of lockdown and I had less quiet time, I realised the importance of the year before - I discovered that it was crucial to carry over the principles and lessons I had learned in 2020 and apply them to my life now. Easier said than done. In order to continue growing in my walk with God, I had to be very intentional and deliberate about the time I spent with Him. I needed to be meticulous and unwilling to compromise because any small amount of time without Him, whether it be an hour or a day, would make me more susceptible to the temptation of the world and, ultimately, cause me to forget my identity in Him.

To make matters worse, applying the things I learned from my time with God in real life was harder than I had anticipated. People didn’t seem to understand the deep and reverent place I was coming from when conveying my relationship with God to them, it was like I was saying things but they always came out wrong or fell on deaf ears and this disappointed me. That was about the time I started this blog. Articulating my thoughts here is infinitely easier than looking people in the eye and trying to make them understand the myriad of little moments, testimonies, thoughts, and experiences that have built up my faith in God. Nganzi helped. It showed me how to funnel all the ideas I had racing in my mind down to the root of what I wanted to say and, by the grace of God, it reached people. My journey with God has been, mercurial to say the least, but my testimony is here and I can confidently say that God has never ever failed me. Not once. He is so faithful when I’m unfaithful, He is good and patient and kind.

I would often pray to God to take me back to those quiet years spent alone with Him, to fill me with that almost childish awe I felt in the beginning and the hunger in my spirit to fill myself with Him. Being a baby Christian was the best. I hardly ever dealt with guilt or shame or inadequacy. I didn’t feel tempted to sin nearly as often because I was so consumed with surrounding myself with God and only God. Once COVID began to ease it was like a harsh reminder that reality still exists and I could only stay in that bubble for so long. A lot of times it makes me sad to think of the stark difference between Kiki then versus Kiki now but I remind myself that there is a time for everything and a season for everything under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3). Although I loved spending quiet time with God at the beginning of my walk, there are so many invaluable lessons I’ve learned as I’ve grown stronger and more mature in my relationship with Him. There is a purpose for this time, a reason why I've been placed among various kinds of people and situations that are out of my comfort zone: to spread the Word of God and show people His love through my actions. To help other believers who may be going through a difficult time, and to encourage and believe in others. I’m grateful for that blissful time because I learned about God’s nature and it has been consistent throughout my entire walk with Him. But I’m grateful for right now too. Becoming more spiritually mature is a blessing that comes with responsibility but I know that God will help me wield it well and overcome every hurdle in the future like He always has. I’m so excited for what’s next with Him.